Thou Shalt Covet

Dear God, I pray for world peace and Vivienne' new shoes.
Amen.

It is with some embarrasment that I am writing this post but my obsession with these shoes is doing funny things to my head. Focus on a more worthy, high-brow topic is not possible. I have tried but failed. So with regret for my own image, I'm forced to confess to my pre-occupied state. Vivienne Westwood has designed a shoe that tickles my fancy, ticks all the right boxes and was made with me in mind. (I know that is not the case but you see how deluded you can become!) But it isn't just the shoe that has taken me by surprise here but my own giddy, child-like state.
  I am beginning to observe things in two ways; my own self - going about my days doings whilst mentally piecing together my new shoes (which I don't have) with various different jeans and scruffy top combinations and the out of body me, looking down on this fairly intelligent woman (stick with me here!), capable, articulate and certainly not a fusser but a do-er, thinking 'Wow, I thought she would have grown out of that by now. Doesn't she have more important things to occupy her mind with? Shouldn't she be thinking about the money needed to change that annoying drippy tap or get busy with some curtain making for the top landing. And how about chipping a bit more off the mortgage. Silly white female!' Then I look at my children and I remember what it is that keeps us young. Our 5 year olds tireless addiction to all things 'Gremlin' are not based on having seen that rather strange horror-comedy film made way back in the 80's. It is the drip drip of information he gleans from anyone who might remember those rather macabre looking lizardy things (yesterday, it was the mattress delivery man) and with it comes an energy that seems to make all things possible. Knowing those shoes are out there makes another Wednesday morning a little more thrilling. Thoughts of how I can raise the capital to pay for them without selling off half our house inspire some creative thinking and I always like a challenge.
  Will I get them? I don't know but the pleasurable feeling of desire is not something to be ashamed of any more. It's what keeps us young and makes life worth getting up for. Only for me it's a shoe. When I was seven I might have hoped I'd be onto world peace by now.

the guilt

...on someone else!